i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
