How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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