i think i have two assholes
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
