I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
