We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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