everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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