I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
