my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
