1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
