i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
