one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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