The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
