why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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