I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
