i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
