"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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