Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
