I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
