My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
