now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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