i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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