So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The adults are the big ones right?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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