Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
