Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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