Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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