dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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