Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
