I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
