Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
