so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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