she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
