I saw his package. It spoke to me.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
