sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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