More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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