And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
