if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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