Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
