dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
