the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
