No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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