you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
