i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
