I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
