You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
did i walk over a car last night?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
