I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
