I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
