I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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