dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
