he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We talked him into tasing himself.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
