Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
