Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize