The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
