She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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