So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Randomize
