Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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