I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize