you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
