I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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