bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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