The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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