Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
