I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
