This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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