You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
tell me about the fingering
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
