3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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