Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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