if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
