i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
