Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
