I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
