I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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