WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
