just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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