I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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