she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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